Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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