I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
