I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
