I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
