i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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