So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
