sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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