I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
