Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
