Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
