ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
