Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
false alarm, still single
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