my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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