I'm sorry my penis didn't work
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
