sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
