VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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