pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
