oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just gargled with NyQuil
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
