I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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