God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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