Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
