She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
