bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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