Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
