I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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