no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
