A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
