he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she told me i tasted like america
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
