During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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