my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
