Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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