Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
