maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
