i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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