Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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