this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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