Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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