i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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