She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
