Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
