we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
