apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
