I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
