I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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