so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
