you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
