we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
