Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
