im drinking this country out of the recession.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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