I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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